The Consolations, Limitations and Inspirations of Stoicism
Stoic philosophy seems to be having a moment right now. I see Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations everywhere, from people online discussing it to an Audi commercial, to a funny joke in The Holdovers. I happened to read it a couple of summers ago and got a lot out of it. However, I am immediately skeptical when any book or mode of thought becomes de rigeur among the bourgeoisie. Is Meditations a worthwhile classic or just another vacuous text like White Fragility or How to Win Friends and Influence People?
That might sound harsh or even sacrilegious, but Stoicism began not as an academic endeavor but as a “school” of philosophy competing with others for adherents/customers. They were offering a map for how to live the “good life” the way that so many “influencers” do today. I get skeptical about Stoicism’s popularity because people are treating its teachings like self-help mantras.
Despite my misgivings about how the Stoics are consumed nowadays, I still think they have a lot to offer, especially in our current age. Stoic philosophy, at its heart, is a guide on how to endure the inherent disappointments of life on this earth. I get the feeling that Aurelius is the most popular Stoic today because he was a Roman emperor and lots of people with MBAs want to think of themselves as powerful “leaders.” (I do not have time to get into the whole “leadership” industry, wherein desk jockeys with email jobs think they are generals and kings.) It’s worth remembering, however, that Epictetus had been enslaved and that Seneca would be targeted for death by Nero, the emperor he had tutored and advised.
Unlike most modern Americans, the Stoics understood that there are limits to human happiness in this world, a world that will frustrate and harm you in ways you can’t even anticipate. So many people today make themselves crazy looking at other people’s social media feeds, falling into despair and wondering “why can’t I be that happy?” The Stoics understand that this kind of comparative thinking is toxic. You should measure yourself by your own standards, not those of others.
They also fundamentally understand the need for perspective. Their best advice when faced with a problem is to ask yourself: is this something I can take control of? If you can’t, then stop worrying because there’s nothing you can do about it. If you can, stop worrying, get down to business, and take care of it. This is advice I often fail to follow, but when I do, I feel much more at ease with my life.
The Stoics can take this sense of perspective to extremes. Their whole program is about controlling your emotions, including in the face of death. When a loved one dies you are not to get bogged down in grief, but to remind yourself that we all must die someday, and that losing this person was something that was going to happen no matter what. This is a bridge too far for me.
While the Stoics are correct that we ought to be careful that our emotions do not overwhelm us, they also must be expressed. I lost a beloved colleague last week and have been deep in grief since. I have cried and wailed over her loss, and I think that’s a good thing. Bottling up these deep emotions is not only unhealthy, it does a disservice to others. My colleague is owed my grief for all the good things that she did for me when she was alive. What kind of person would I be not to feel for another person who made me feel so happy?
I get the sense that most of the people picking up Marcus Aurelius and Seneca are still crying at the funerals of their loved ones. Some Stoic demands are simply too much. This makes things more complicated, because while I agree with them that it’s bad to let your emotions dominate you, it’s also bad to not let yourself get emotional.
For that reason, I would recommend modern philosopher Mariana Alessandri’s book Night Vision because it finds a different yet related path. She talks about how she had once been a practicing Stoic, but found the rejection of emotion to incorrect. She offers a solution whereby we feel what we need to feel, but control our REACTIONS to our emotions as opposed to the emotions themselves.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot in our momentous and scary election year of 2024. Just this morning some polling data got me to spiral. It’s hard to fully tamp down those emotions, but we can definitely funnel them in the right direction. Instead of stewing in fear, we can get out there are organize. This world is indeed disappointing and treacherous with no guarantees of happiness but it only gets better once we start acting. There is a problem in front of us when it comes to threats to democracy, and I am convinced it is one we can solve. So let’s all follow the Stoics’ advice and get our there and start solving it instead of worrying.